Lately there has been a lot of time for thinking, really thinking, mulling over things in my head and getting philosophical about them. For some reason, over the Winter Break from school, I had an afternoon of considering the wisdom of the Golden Rule and realizing that it really has to be considered from the other perspective too, turned around and directed at your own self. Don’t judge me yet, let me explain the logic here!
The Golden Rule, if you are unfamiliar with it or have forgotten is, “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. It is golden for a reason. All things being equal, if we all lived our lives by this rule it’s likely that the world would be a much better place! I’m optimistic (some might say naïve) that most of us try our best each day to live a pretty principled life that considers others and how our actions might affect them and the bigger picture. But what about how we treat ourselves? How do we do unto ourselves? How much time, love and consideration do we put into doing unto ourselves as we do to others? I know, for fact that I can easily give the love, time, energy and commitment to another that I often do not give to myself. If a friend is tired and sad I encourage them to rest, do something nice for themselves. If I am tired I tell myself, “don’t be so damn lazy, get up and get busy, you need to get that done!” I buy flowers for my colleagues, to brighten their day but I seldom buy any for myself, claiming to myself, “they’re too expensive, that would be so frivolous”. The list goes on and on, there are so many instances of this behavior in my past, and I have worked hard to change it, but I have felt it slipping in again over the past year, with all the stress and strangeness of our new lives. And so, I continue to work to make myself a priority, to treat myself with loving kindness and to nurture myself and love myself as I should.
So, back to basics. I am making time to get outside, especially into the trees. There is something about trees and forests, they are comforting and nurturing, even in the middle of winter, even in the midst of the worst rain storms. I think that even if you are completely alone you feel like you are in their company…that sounds very much like what my sister calls “granola” but it’s true! I think there are even articles about the fact that trees are linked and have a language. Whatever the truth may be I feel comforted by their presence.
I take myself out on dates. It’s fun to get dressed up and go to places I only used to go as a couple. It feels a bit daring, brave and a little bit sassy. I never used to be able to do this but I find it is an absolute necessity now. I love good food and why should I deny myself the indulgence just because I’m a one and not a two? It’s a great way to experience new things and you always have a great night because you’re with the best date ever, yourself! I don’t need to worry about picking a place that suits someone else, or whether there will be awkward conversations. It’s really quite lovely and the experience makes me happy and happy equals productive.
I love to cook. I am my mother’s daughter and I tend to show my love and affection for people by cooking for them. I love creating delicious, lavish meals, slow cooked and full of flavor and serving it up in a beautiful manner to display the time and energy I spent to create something for someone. I am often remiss in doing this for myself, it’s only me, I’ll just have cheese and crackers or some yogurt out of the plastic container. Not acceptable. Instead I’m back to my Sunday slow cook. It’s such a beautiful thing to prepare a slow cooked meal, that takes time to absorb and develop flavors over the course of a few hours. One of my favorite meals is a slow cooked Italian pot roast, served over creamy polenta and topped with sautéed greens and wild mushrooms. I made it, with love, for myself and I feel satiated and loved eating it. As well, I feel accomplished having flexed some culinary creative muscle at the same time. It a “two fer”!
Buy the flowers. I love having the color and beauty of beautiful blossoms in my space. I’ve become especially enamoured with roses over the past three years. I think it’s their simplicity and form. They come in so many gorgeous hues and the lacy green foliage is deep and delicate compared to the solid sturdy buds. It’s such a small thing that can bring so much happiness and I have to remember that I’m worth it. I can gift myself, treat myself with loving kindness.
Above all, make the art…even if it’s small, even if it’s a doodle. Daily creativity makes me feel happy, calm, relaxed and, no matter how small it is or whether it’s a “keeper” or not, I feel that I’ve been true to my creative self, my real self, the one who matters most. That includes writing. I have been poking away at this blog each day, even if it’s only to download an image or begin a paragraph for an idea in my head. Ideas need to become solid and the only way that is going to happen is to do. And when I do I feel better, it’s almost magic. It’s the difference between that avoidance me…”I’m so tired, I don’t really know what I’m doing, there is so much to do around the apartment right now”…and the me that knows the truth, there’s always time, you just have to make it.
The hard truth of the matter is that if I don’t prioritize myself and treat myself like a loved one then who will? I think we all know that answer to the question, it’s really just rhetorical. But it’s a new year and I’m back on the self care train and that’s really what matters. After all, I am but a work in progress.