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The Hermit

By on Saturday, June 10, 2023
It’s been a long time since Autumn, Samhain and the harvest season. I felt a deep need to go inside after the Sabbat, it’s like I didn’t really have a lot to communicate or be social about over the winter and into the spring. It’s as if I was resting up for something I couldn’t quite place, put a name to or articulate in any meaningful way. I wasn’t sad, angry, working through anything…I just didn’t want to be “out there”. I needed to hermit. What do the experts say, the most important relationship you have is the one you have with yourself? I think that’s a lot of what I was working on. Not that I haven’t done a crap load of that over the last five years but this felt more focused and less driven by grief and loss and more a simple coming to terms with living with myself.

Still…I did a lot. Especially learning. I did a lot of learning. Not all of it expected but all of it necessary.

I learned to bake. I baked a LOT! I’m lucky to have a great mentor, friend and teacher in Jennifer Johnson (@hmecteacher on Instagram if you’d like to follow). She was patient, calm and clear in her directions and made this day, though epic, seamless and easy. Her patient mentoring is clearly what has made her such an amazing classroom teacher all these years! I know I’m not the best pupil! I’ve always wanted to learn but always held the opinion that baking was not for me, a gene I was clearly missing, if my pie crust episode (the bouncing ball of dough) was any indication. Jenn proved me wrong. I just need to relax, be patient, measure (LOL) and trust the process. I am now baking my own bread once a month and feel strangely connected…connected to the women in my family, especially my grandmother, who was a baking champ, connected to ingredients and all the people who have done this for generations and generations…It’s strangely satisfying, completely different than picking up a store bought loaf or even shopping for artisan bread at market. This is MINE, I made it, at each step it is a creation that is mine. It feels different to cut into, to butter and eat. It just does. 

I dug in the dirt and planted seeds, at home and away, figuratively and literally. I was struck with this great desire to have colorful things on my porch. I planted bulbs, researched shade loving perennials and made my porch a haven for the warmer weather. I travelled to the Island, twice, to see my good friend Brian of Tattam Valley Farms. He always picks me up at the ferry with the opener, “Secretly, mama, we have to do some work on the farm” The thing is, secretly…I like digging in the dirt and being part of making something that will be planted, harvested and become nourishment for some little family someplace close by. Oh, I like to make a lot of noise, moan and groan about “holidays with Brian” and being put to work every single time. But I don’t mind, in fact, I love it, There’s a camaraderie in working side by side in the dirt, heat and stingy nettles…filthy hands, dirty clothes, laughing and catching up as we plant little seedlings or transplant hundreds of tomatoes. I can imagine how my grandfather must have felt at the end of a work day, tired, dirty, but satisfied and content. Much like baking bread, gardening and growing things is simple, elemental, there’s this deep connection to land, seasons, life, each other. It’s beautiful.

I read a lot, remembered journaling as a creative process, went outside to beautiful places in nature and i made things.

I trained a lot, built shoulders, a bit of a booty and watched a baby grow with Daria. Training is cathartic, I don’t think, I do. It’s also easy, the social part, it’s connection, we train, the conversation flows, we debrief our days, unload our shit and get real while we work on getting strong. It’s kind of like therapy and far funnier, most of the time! 

I workshopped tarot, celebrated sabbats and the changing of the seasons, meditated and magicked during moons, both full and dark. I fed myself with love and flavor. I turned off the phone when things were too much, tried to rest and relax when things were stressful and spent a lot of time with candles, sage, flowers and crystals. 

And here we are…it’s June. School is almost at an end for another year. However, rather than feeling an ending, which is my usual, I’m feeling a sense of renewal. Maybe this season will bring new things. Love? Maybe. Adventure? Hopefully! Creativity? Definitely. The Hermit will return, I know, with the season, but for now I’m ready to break free of my cocoon and be part of the world again.

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Comments

  1. Daria Preradovic

    I can’t wait to see all the outdoor stuff you do this summer – all the cool spots you’ll find. Also – all the colourful beautiful meals you’re going to make! This was a great season for you, and I’m looking forward to seeing you step back out again in June. Love you my dear carrots!!

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      karynraejohnson

      I love you back, Brussels! Thanks for being one of my greatest cheerleaders. I couldn’t do it without you and your support.

  2. Janice Taattam

    I enjoyed this so much. Sometimes we just need to have time with ourselves. The world is a crazy place right now. And I love your bread. It looks amazing.

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